SF Generation: "Go To Hell Michael Bay"

GO TO HELL MICHAEL BAY

I'm here today to talk about Transformers: Dark Of The Moon.

First off I would like to say "Go To Hell" Michael Bay. The reason I say this is because only a man such as yourself can take one of the best 80's classics and turn it into almost, mind you I said almost, the worst live action movie depiction since Fist Of The North Star. Why do I say this? If you don't know the story of Transformers you are either corny or just way too old, hell, my mom is 63 years old and she know about Robots in Disguise. She doesn't know about them only because of me, but because in the 1980's it was either Transformers, Voltron or He-Man for out crib. That was the best animated television. Later on in the years He-Man was pretty gay and Voltron was so good that the Power Ranger stole their gimmick later in the 90's.

OPTIMUS PRIME

Now, let's not get it messed up, I don't hate Michael Bay, I just said "Go To Hell", there is a difference. If Steven Spielberg did the movie and Bay was just the executive producer it would have been better. I'll touch on the writers later. Transformers made in 2007 was damn near outstanding, with 3 flaws, #1 being The Ark, which is the Autobot spacecraft was not mentioned nor recognized, because for some strange reason the Transformers transported themselves through space to go where they needed to be... Really??? Teletraan-1 can also be included in #1 because that was the tool that gave the Transformers their new shape to adapt to Earth's vehicles and machines of the modern age. Now, I'm figuring the reason they didn't implement these two major components in Transformers history was to adapt to the modern day, I mean it was 2007. Think about this, it's Transformers people, there's nothing to adapt to, just do it... I actually like Shia LeBeouf in his portrayal as Sam "Spike" Witwicky on every film. I'm glad the film got rid of Megan after the second one, I hated her. There was alot of people that were more worried about seeing her than they were about seeing the Transformers. The last flaw, where was Soundwave?

SOUNDWAVE

He is a icon, he is Megatron's right hand. There was not even a mention of him in the film. The plot was plain and it worked, Megatron was on route to retrieve the Cybertronian AllSpark, but was thrown off course and frozen. Sam had information pertaining to the whereabouts of Megatron & the AllSpark via his Great Great Grandfathers glasses. The war begins from there, bumblebee is Sam's protector and best friend. Great movie, Jazz dies, but hey, you gotta let some things go sometime. Close to original, but not close at all.

THE FALLEN

On to the BS and the reason the pimp-slapping of Michael Bay begins. Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. If you are a Transformers Fan, you will know that The Fallen is a real character, but not from the cartoon. The Fallen aka Megatronus Prime was a comic book character. He was one of the original 13 primes created by Primus. The Fallen betrayed Primus and sided with his evil twin Unicron. There were too many flaws in this film for me to name them all, but I'll do what I can. #1, You don't have The Fallen without mention of Unicron or Primus. #2, They have not shown any type of action sequence on Cybertron yet, it's Transformers people, they didn't just fight on Earth. #3, We finally see Soundwave, but not in battle, not even on earth, he's a damn satellite. #4, Bay created his own Transformer characters, Skids & Mudflap, very disrespectful to not only Transformers, but to people in general, one had a gold tooth and they spoke very ignorant and unintelligent. #5, The Autobot Matrix of Leadership is a talisman passed down from leader to leader. On ROTF, it is introduced as 5 of the original Primes hid it in a pyramid by sacrificing themselves to protect humanity. Once again, if you know Transformers you would know that Optimus should already have the Matrix. Anyways, I'm done with the ROTFBS!!! Instead of Revenge Of The Fallen it should be Rolling On The Floor...

SENTINEL PRIME

In June of 2011 Transformers: Dark Of The Moon was released. Of course due to how bad ROTF was Bay had no choice but to make a classic, right? WRONG... He didn't make a classic, he just made a movie that was better than the second one. After I saw this movie I wasn't mad, I wasn't happy, I knew what to expect. When I got home I got a call from godbro and he asked "dude, did you like Bayformers?" I laughed, we immediately went in on the film. In 1961 The Ark (uh oh, remember the Ark???), the Autobot spaceship crash landed on the moon. On board were a bunch of dead transformers, how did they know? Because President Kennedy sent Armstrong & the boys there just for that reason. Sentinel Prime was aboard the ship, but you never saw him. Sentinel Prime voice by the iconic Leonard Nimoy, was Optimus' mentor and the one who actually passed on the Matrix of Leadership, NOT SAM. Sentinel gave Optimus the Matrix right before he died in battle on Cybertron. So how is Sentinel alive on Earth in 2011? Sam is unemployed and struggling to find work, while his new girlfriend Carly is getting paid good money at her job. Carly was also Spike's girlfriend in the cartoon. After being revived by Optimus, Sentinel turns his back on the Autobots and made a deal with Megatron to bring Cybertron to Earth for it resources. In the process Sentinel kills Ironhide. In this war they destroy Cybertron by preventing the merger of the planets to take place. Flaws... #1, Sentinel Prime is dead. #2, Much love to Leonard Nimoy, he did the voice of Galvatron in the 1986 Transformers Movie. I wish it could have been Galvatron instead of Sentinel. #3, Bay, STILL making up his own Transformers characters... Do you know how many actual transformers there are? Obviously not, or of course, Michael Bay doesn't give 2 dumps about it. Who the hell is Brains, Igor, Amp & the Dreads? Who were those Autobots working on the spaceship with the dreadlocks? #4, Shockwave could have put in more work... #5, Cybertron is gone, destroyed. That means the remainding transformers are gone. Thanks Bay, Thanks a freaking lot...

CYBERTRON

In closing, Michael is an explosive genius, great at cut scenes. He did Bad Boys 1&2, the reboots of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. From my understanding he is doing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He could give a damn what I say, he's rich, I'm a critic, realist and a fan. It's not all Michael is it? Somewhat, he makes the real decisions and the final decisions. One mistake he made was allowing the same writer from ROTF to do DOTM. Ehren Kruger, I mean he did Scream 3 and Reindeer Games. He did do The Ring though... As a man born in 1972, he should be closer to the craft of Transformers and the ROTF shouldn't have been so bad. The only original thing about this trilogy was the 1st one in 2007. I'm begging for the reboot... So once again, "Go To Hell Michael Bay". Just don't screw up TMNT...